I’m going to do this as a numbered list, just to see how many numbers I can write. It’s also a scientific fact that human beings love stuff being written down in a list.
1. I’m unsure as to what is the correct grammatical arrangement for the words stand up comedy. Stand-up comedy? Standup comedy? I’m going to go with standup comedy. This may require more research.
2. Most people that do standup comedy call themselves comics. Very few call themselves comedians. I call myself neither of these things, because I feel like it’s a label that can only be placed on me by other people.
3. It has just occurred to me that I do call myself a comic on my twitter profile, but that’s just for show. I recognise that creating an image is important, particularly when no-one knows who you are.
4. Standup comedy is very, very popular. There are a lot of people that want to do standup comedy for a living. In the city I live in, Toronto, there are literally hundreds of people looking for stage time on any given night. For example: over 200 people signed up for the Toronto Comedy Brawl. That’s just the people that are motivated enough to sign up for a competition. There are literally hundreds that would’ve missed out either because they don’t have the time or didn’t find out about the contest until it was too late. I’m not a beautiful or unique snowflake.
5. Quite a lot of people aren’t very good at standup comedy, but do it anyway. Now, I don’t say this to suggest that I am in any way good at standup comedy. I get a couple of laughs every time I go on stage - not great laughs, but laughs nonetheless. I’m talking about the people that I see that go up and just die. Four/five minutes of silence. Trust me, I’ve had two minutes of people looking at me in silence and it’s the worst. To have a full set of it would be more than I could handle. It happens to these folks and then they come back tomorrow and give it another shot. I am in awe of these people. I admire that kind of mentality. I can only hope to have that level of determination.
6. On the 6th of May it’ll have been 7 months from my first steps on stage. I did okay. I look back at the video now and I’m a little embarrassed, but I did okay. I’m proud of that guy for actually getting up on stage and doing it. It’s not often I do stuff, so that was a big deal at the time. Now I just wish I had been a little bit funnier.
6a. To clarify my point: I feel like I’m better at this now than I was 7 months ago. This is both encouraging and probably the minimum amount of acceptable progress. If I’d been doing this for 7 months and not gotten any better, I should probably just give up.
6b. As an aside, there are some words that I simply cannot spell properly, no matter how often I write them. Embarrassed is one of them. There are too many ‘a’s in the word, and not enough ‘e’s.
7. Since the first gig (on the 6th October 2010) I have performed a number of times - let’s call it X because I’m actually too embarrassed to type it out. X is way less than you think it is. This is not something I’m proud of. Of those sets, about 80% have been done in the last three months. It’s good that I’m performing more regularly, but I’m not performing nearly enough. There are comics in the city that do X number of shows in THREE WEEKS. I repeat: I am not proud of myself.
7a. One of the best pieces of advice that I’ve been given since I started out was at an open mic at TKOs at the end of February. A dude called Mike Harrison (who is a very talented comic) called me out on my bullshit. He made it clear that my lack of stage time was purely down to me. No excuses. He was right then, and he continues to be right. Not coincidentally, he’s doing very well. I hope he continues to do well.
7b. Again, for clarity: one of the great/terrible things about standup comedy is that you have no-one to blame but yourself. If it’s going awesome, it’s all because you’re awesome. If it sucks, then you gotta take a long, hard look in the mirror.
8. I miss having someone to blame.
9. Starting out can be/is pretty soul destroying. This is a good thing. Humility is important. There’s a lot of performing to rooms that are either empty, or completely unsuited to comedy or both. Getting booked in good rooms happens once in a blue moon. It makes you appreciate the audience more. You get hungry for a good crowd.
10. Making people laugh is a lot of fun. I like how I feel just after I’ve been on stage. I imagine this is what narcotics would feel like.
11. People in the Toronto comedy scene are (for the most part) absurdly nice, but I don’t really know any of them. I feel out of place because I still feel like I need to earn my stripes. As a result, I’m awkward and quiet when I’m in a room with them. I never know what to say. As a 29 year old guy who thinks he’s pretty sociable, this is difficult for me. It’s like being back at high school. I did not have fun at high school, so this is a feeling that I look forward to getting rid of. My detachment from the ‘scene’ is entirely my own fault. I refer you to number 8 on this list.
12. Writing for standup comedy is (for me) the same as talking out loud and imagining if anyone would laugh at what I’m saying. A large percentage of my ideas happen in the shower, yet I haven’t written any jokes about soap, shampoo, or pubic hair. This confuses me.
13. Initially I was reluctant to write jokes about the fact that I’m Scottish because I didn’t want to be thought of as a Scottish comic. This was stupid. Being Scottish is part of who I am, and the whole point is to express my point of view. I just look forward to being able to write about my Scottishness in a way that isn’t quite so shitty.
14. I spend an uncomfortable amount of time dreaming about the time where I’ll actually be better at this than I am right now.
15. I’m performing twice next week: once on Monday at the Imperial Pub comedy contest and once at Betty’s Corktown Comedy Show on Wednesday. I will most likely use the same material for both. Again, this is not something I’m particularly proud of.
I shall most likely continue this list at some point in future. I guarantee at least 75% of this list will be a source of embarrassment to me at some point in the future. It is also worth noting that I spelled embarrassment correctly in the previous sentence. I typed it wrong the second time.
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