[This is a continuation of a particular format of blog posts. There are five previous essays, which you might enjoy reading. One is about comedy, one is about my home city of Toronto, and the third is about, um, cats. There’s a fourth, but it’s terrible and I don’t want you to read it. The fifth was about books.]
1. I don’t want Scotland to get mad at me, so I thought I’d bring Glasgow into the action today.
2. Glasgow is the largest city in Scotland. I lived there for the most part of ten years (1999-2009). It’s a wonderful place.
2a. According to Wikipedia, about 600,000 people live there. It’s the third biggest city in the UK. It would be the tenth biggest city in Canada and the 26th biggest in the US. It’s a large city in a small country. Around 41% of Scottish people live in or around Glasgow. If Edinburgh didn’t have the castle (and the Scottish Parliament) then Glasgow would be the capital. For a Canadian equivalent, think Ottawa and Toronto. Where would you rather live?
2b. If you have to choose between going to Glasgow or Edinburgh, go to Glasgow. It’s just better. I recognise that I may be somewhat biased.
3. I first moved to Glasgow to go to university. There are multiple universities in the city, with differing levels of prestige attached to each. The ‘best’ is the University of Glasgow. It has the prettiest campus and has a rich history attached to it. It’s located in the west end of the city. The west end is where the cool kids hang out.
3a. The second ‘best’ is the University of Strathclyde. It’s a relatively young university, and is based in the centre of the city. It’s main claim to fame is that it has the largest University affiliated bar in the whole of the UK. That’s the one I attended from when I was 17 to 21. I also ended up working in the bar for a few years, doing a variety of different jobs.
3b. The third university is Glasgow Caledonian University. It is not thought of in very high terms by students of any of the other Universities. It’s where I got my master’s degree. The majority of my time living in Glasgow was spent affiliated to an institution of higher education. As a result, my memories of the city are skewed very much toward a student-esque lifestyle of late nights, both drinking and studying.
3c. For most of the year, Glasgow is very much a city filled with young people. Young drunk people.
4. Glasgow has the second-best music scene in the UK. Only London is thought of in higher terms. It has two of the best music venues in Europe (King Tut’s Wah Wah Hut and The Barrowlands Ballroom). I worked as a music journalist for a year in Glasgow, and it was the perfect city to do it in. I saw more gigs in 6 months in Glasgow than I have in two years in Toronto.
5. As is the case with Toronto, I ended up staying in quite a small area of Glasgow and only rarely venturing outside my comfort zone. I rarely went south of the river. My time in the east end of the city was very brief. The majority was spent in the west end. I love the west end. I think the rest of Glasgow is okay.
5a. My favourite bar in the west end is a place called the Belle. It’s hipstery and comfortable and small and cramped. It has a real fireplace and great beers on tap and I can’t wait to go back.
6. I never did standup comedy in Glasgow, mostly because it was a scene that I was aware of, but never really immersed myself in. There’s two standup comedy clubs in the city, and both were seen as kind of expensive.
6a. I actually lived about a three minute walk from The Stand Comedy Club, and was on very good terms with the bar manager there. I wish I’d had the balls to actually go and perform there years ago.
6b. I was kind of tangentially involved in comedy in Glasgow, though. I used to work in bar which had a comedy night once a week. It was called Canvas bar, and it was a room that was completely unsuited for comedy. There were pillars blocking the view, so at any given point an audience member can’t see 60% of the stage. I got to see some amazingly funny people perform. Janey Godley was the host of the night, and I shared a cab with her a few times. She’d never remember me, but it’s strange to me that she’s good friends with Joanna Downey and Todd Van Allen, both of which have booked me for shows in Toronto. It’s a small world.
6c. I’d like to go back to Glasgow and perform, but I worry that my material that works in Canada wouldn’t work in Scotland.
6e. Jokes about kilts and haggis aren’t funny in Scotland. The joke is based upon a stereotypical view that other people have of Scots, rather than the reality of what it’s like being Scottish in Scotland. I’d have two and a half minutes of material if I was to do a show in Glasgow. This is not good.
6f. There was also a comedy night once a month in the bar I used to run, but I wasn’t involved in that at all. Looking back, it was another missed opportunity.
7. I haven’t been back in Glasgow for just over 2 years. Due to the complexity of the immigration system here, I’ve been advised to stay put until all the correct paperwork has gone through. I’m looking forward to wandering around Kelvingrove park again.
7a. It would be good to catch a Celtic game, too.
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